25th May 2024, 14 min read

Story time. Missed connections | When a shy girl likes a boy *I offer zero advice*

I was rollerblading the other day, listening to music, and I literally, at a certain point, was like,

“I’m ready, Universe. I’m ready. Send me men! Abundance of men. Like, I’m trying to think in abundance and, like, if I law of attraction men, tell the universe I’m ready, and I will.”

"Send me the men"

I literally said,

“Send me the men. I will talk to the first man that I see that I’m attracted to. I’m not going to mess it up.”

I picked the dumbest place to record, ‘cuz, yep, okay. And not one minute later, maybe three or four minutes later, after I said that, there was a man walking on the path. He had a motorcycle gear, like a helmet and boots. He was in full-blown sport bike motorcycle gear. And anybody who knows me, knows that I like that. So I was like,

“Oh, man, interesting.”

And I skated past him and then went to my car. And I saw that he had stopped. I’m trying to think of how to describe it, but we were at a park area. He had stopped to, go sit down somewhere. And I was like,

“Oh, he stopped, like, very close to my car, maybe, like, 50 feet, 50 feet from my car.”

So I went to my car, I was done rollerblading, I took my rollerblades off, and I sat in the grass for maybe 15 minutes. And I sat a good ways away, like about 50 ft, but I noticed that he was looking at me quite a few times. And I looked at him quite a few times. And then I was like,

“Okay, okay, nothing’s going to happen.”

I was like,

“Are you going to—to myself, I was like, “Are you going to approach him?” And I was like, “No, I’m not.”

Then I got up and I started walking. So I took a walk, and as I began walking, then he started walking, but we were walking opposite directions. So we crisscrossed, nothing happened, and I thought that that was it for sure, like we were just never going to see each other again. And then, oh, and I gave him a tiny little smile when we crossed. And, and then more cars pulling up. So yeah, I continued on with my walk and I kind of forgot about him and I thought that it was all over. And then on my way back, when I turned around, I saw that he was walking in my direction again. I think we were going to crisscross again, and then we did crisscross, and then I noticed that he had turned around and actually was kind of following me. And I wasn’t creeped out. There were tons of people around, and all I was thinking was,

“Oh, maybe he’s going to talk to me, maybe he wants to talk to me.”

And that thought terrified me, so I just walked to my car, ‘cuz, like, I wasn’t sure and, like, what are you supposed to do in that situation if someone is walking—he wasn’t like closely behind me, he was like 30 ft behind me, and if you think,

“Hm, we’ve shown quite a bit of interest,”

I’ve shown him some interest by, like, we looked at each other and that’s it, and I smiled a little bit. So I think that we both knew that something was there. I think that he might have been coming to talk to me, but I don’t know. And so because of all that awkwardness and not knowing, I just walked to my car and I got in my car. And I’m sorry, I’m laughing because I made so many bad decisions.

Analyzing the missed opportunity

But it’s like,

“Oh, you complain about being single and no men approaching you, and then when someone kind of wants to approach you, you get in your car and you shut the door.”

But another reason that I think he was actually coming to talk to me, maybe it was that when he crossed in front of my car, we looked at each other again. He looked at me, and I think it was like a look of,

“Oh, I was going to come talk to you.”

We’re both sad. I don’t know, maybe I’m reading way into it, but I felt it was a misconnection. I felt like we both kind of wanted to talk to each other. We were both kind of giving the cues that we wanted to talk to each other. And then as I drove off, I saw him on his motorcycle, and I was just, like,

“And to be clear, I don’t like motorcycles. I like sport bikes, and he had a sport bike, and it was cool, and he was cool.”

But I have a few thoughts about it, which is, I know all the comments. I know men in the comments, they’re all going to be like, ‘Uproar!’ I don’t know if anyone will even make it far enough to hear me say this, but, like, they’re going to be like,

‘Men, you, you’re not supposed to follow a woman, or, like, you say, “Do not follow a woman.”

This is wrong, and you, I don’t know.

Point is, yes, yes, a man should not follow a woman, and, like, sorry, backtracking. I am a shy, awkward woman, and there’s like a whole different thing with me where, like, a normal woman might approach the guy, or a normal woman would show many more, like, obvious cues of interest or attraction.

But because I’m awkward and shy, I don’t really show interest or attraction very well, or at all. For example, I purposefully sat in the grass about 50 feet from him, kind of facing him, almost kind of open, kind of looking like I was ready, like waiting for him to approach me. And then we looked at each other quite a few times. And, like, I’m telling you that I understand that that is not really a cue. That’s extremely confusing and not obvious at all. So, like, I’m not encouraging men to just approach women who are sitting 50 ft from them, but I kind of am saying that if you are not delusional and you have a feeling that someone is interested in you, but they’re not being really obvious, but you just feel like they’re interested, like they’re showing you attention and interest in a way, and you’re just like,

“I don’t know, maybe, maybe just check.”

And if they’re not interested, they’ll let you know.

Like, I’m pretty good now at if a man I’m not interested in shows interest, I’m pretty good at kind of shutting it down. So even if I wasn’t interested in that guy and he came up, I could have shown non-interest.

But anyway, I’m not saying all the responsibility, because I’m hearing the comments saying,

“Oh, the, the responsibility is on the, the man to approach all the time.”

And I’m saying,

“No, no, it, it wasn’t his in that situation. It wasn’t his responsibility to approach me. I could have approached him, but I chose not to. I was too scared. But I’m just saying, if he wanted to approach me, he could have, and my queue was sitting right there.”

I’m trying to figure out what I’m saying, like, am I saying approach women or don’t approach women? I’m trying to just give you some insight into how a woman, how someone who is shy and awkward might act when they’re interested.

And that’s the thing, I gave him a couple cues. They were very small, but here’s the cues. This is so dumb, so dumb. When I rollerbladed past him, this is so dumb. People are going to tell me that I’m stupid, like, and don’t say it, because I already know it. When I rollerbladed past him the first time and I was like,

“Ooh, motorcycle guy, you’re interesting. He seems handsome,”

as I passed him, I looked at him, and I saw his face, and I think he saw me. We both kind of noticed each other at that time, so there’s the first cue. I looked at his face, we both looked at each other, and that could be nothing, but with all the other things together, it’s something. And then I, like, passed him, and then when I was in front of him, I rollerbladed right in front of him, and then kind of swiveled, like I kind of went like this, like, just, just, like, kind of showing off my rollerblade skills. I feel like I’m a man now. Like, I feel like when men like somebody, they try to show off, but I was kind of, like, trying to show off a bit. And then I got to my car, and when I got to my car, I turned around and I looked to see where he was or if he was there, and I think we might have seen each other again. And then instead of leaving, like, I know this is all so bad, like, it’s so hard.

I’m thinking from the man’s perspective right now. I’m thinking this is so, so hard to differentiate a woman who’s not interested versus a shy woman who is interested, ‘cuz, like, the you could read into things and come to the wrong conclusions for sure, or, like, you can be like,

“Oh, this woman rollerbladed past me. She must be interested. She’s just shy.”

But, no, I’m not really giving any advice whatsoever. Yeah, zero advice in this video. I’m not telling you how to approach a woman.

I’m just saying this for insight’s sake, if you care to get a little bit of insight into what a shy woman might do. And also, I don’t represent women or shy women, because I don’t know what other girls do. But when I got to my car, instead of just leaving, which is what someone would probably do if they’re not interested, I chose to stay and sit in the grass. And I also wanted to stay anyway, but I stayed with him in mind, just in case. And then instead of walking far away, far, far away, I was about 50 ft, and maybe even 35, 40 feet, I don’t know, about 50 ft away from him, definitely, like, within range for me, at least, like, and it would be creepy if I went like five or ten feet away from him, I think.

I think that’s another thing with shy people, you have to kind of put together a bunch of different cues. For it to make a little bit of sense. And none of this makes sense, I know.

But, um, sitting in the grass, and then I chose to, like, walk around. This is going to sound bad, but, like, I did it. I did it for me, because I wanted to walk, but also part of the motivation was I wanted, like, to get his attention. That might, that sounds bad, but, I kind of just wanted to get his attention. So that’s what that is. So if, maybe if you notice this girl who’s, like, keeps walking around past you, which again is like so broad, so broad, we’re like,

“Please don’t misinterpret this and start, like, thinking that people like you when they don’t, like, ‘cuz it’s like, ‘Oh, the girl was walking around in my vicinity, and so she likes me.’”

But it’s that in conjunction with things like looking at each other a lot. Okay, so, like, he and I had looked at each other maybe four times, maybe, maybe around four times, and he might have caught me, like, looking at him a couple of times. So that’s what I’m talking about. It’s like this girl’s looking at you, she showed off rollerblading, she sat in the grass close to you, she’s walking around you. And if you cross paths, she might look down but smile and be like,

“Shy looking.”

So yeah, it’s so hard. I’m not even telling you to approach shy people because it’s such a case-by-case basis, and I never ever want to encourage a man to approach someone who is not interested or, there’s just no worse feeling than a creepy man approaching you. I’m not saying you’re creepy, but I’m just saying sometimes creepy people approach me, and so I’m trying not to encourage those specific creepy people.

“Oh, if a girl is just walking around in your area, that means she likes you,”

which is not true. Like, you just, you have to have a little bit of awareness.

Attracting a man's attention

I don’t know, but one of the biggest ones is, I would say there’s two things that, like, girls might do. This is what, two things that I always do is I always sit where I can creep on them. Am I creepy? Like, if I’m at a coffee shop and I see a man that I’m interested in or that I like, or, you know, I would be interested in, I make sure to sit so that I’m, like, facing him kind of, or that I can get a view of him. So I wouldn’t, like, be, I would never choose to sit with my back facing him. I would always choose to sit somewhere where I can kind of watch him, but that sounds creepy. And so that he can, like, look at me. And then another thing I might do, if I have any skills whatever at that time, is I would show off something or walk around. So, like, showing off the rollerblading or walking around in front of him, but far enough away, that’s kind of like a,

“Look at me, hey, notice me.”

Anyway, I know, like, this, the whole thing is, I just need to get braver, and I need to approach people. I could have approached him, but all of that is to say, I was interested, and I’m fairly certain that he was interested in just having a conversation. And I miffed it, if that’s a word. I don’t know if that’s a word. And I left feeling disappointed in myself that I didn’t do anything. And I felt like it was a missed connection.

But at the same time, I’m trying to think in terms of abundance. So I was trying to think, like,

“There’s lots of other men out there. Like, you don’t have to be sad about this one. Just try to move on. Don’t be stuck on it. Just chill.”

But I also, and here’s the other thing is, I really wanted to just, like, I want to practice male interaction, because I don’t have any male interaction. I’m so fucking awkward and, like, don’t know how to be around men for the most part, especially, like, men I’m interested in.

But at the same time, I don’t want to use a man for practice. I don’t. So a part of the reason, a part of why, why I was hesitant to approach this man was because I did the thing that I always do, which is I asked myself, like,

“Am I actually interested in him? Like, could, could I imagine dating him? Like, could I imagine him as my boyfriend, my husband? Like, how interested am I?”

And then I realized, like,

“Oh, I’m not that interested. Like, I’m interested, but I don’t feel strongly or strong enough.”

So I’m like,

“Maybe I was like 45% interested in him, not 100%.”

And I was like,

“Well, that means I can’t approach him, because then, like, we would have a conversation, and what if, like, we went on one date and I decided no?”

Which was to me, that was like a high probability that I would probably decide against him. And I was like,

“Well, I guess there’s no point.”

But at the same time, like, all that does is it makes it so I can’t approach or talk to or have any interaction with any guy unless I see him as like a 100% yes. And if I don’t get any practice with any other guy, anytime I do see a 100% yes, like somebody who I’m 100% interested in, I can’t imagine that going well because of how awkward I am and not having any practice. You know, you get it.

So I don’t ever want to approach a man with kind of like an ingenuine interest, because I just never want to approach him or tell him I’m interested or show that I’m interested unless I’m all the way interested, because I don’t want to, like, back out or, like, be like,

“Oh, never mind, I’m not interested anymore.”

Please, if anybody makes it that far, please explain how I can do that. I know, I think in normal dating, people will date people that they’re not 100% interested in. I think that’s actually a thing, and to me, me, it seems very foreign and very ingenuine and using the other person, basically. But I don’t know, you tell me. That was just interesting. I thought I’m sharing the story for several reasons, just for fun, but also because I thought it was funny that I was like,

“Universe, I’m ready, give me the men,”

and then the universe gave me a man, four minutes later, and then I mess up.

I literally promised I was like, “The next man that I’m interested in, I will talk to you.” And I lied. I messed it up. I was like,

“Never mind, never mind. Backtracking.”

Anyway, that’s it. Bye.