, 5 min read
Honor your exes, don't just throw them in the trash
Yeah, so it may not look like it based on my face right now, but I got broken up with, and I'm not going to go into any of that right now. But I wanted to say, what is it with breakups where it's somehow accepted and, um, expected to suddenly go from everything to nothing? Like, that I can't snap... um, I think that's stupid, and it makes zero sense to me. And let me explain further what I mean: that I think it's ridiculous and cruel and horrific. And I've thought this before this breakup; I've always believed this. It's absolutely so cruel and unneeded to immediately act like your ex is nothing to you. Take this with a grain of salt — I'm not only talking about my personal experience; I'm talking about everything I've seen my whole life that I never understood when exes would talk about how much they hated their ex and how they were like, "stupid" and "ridiculous," and how, like, they regret ever dating them.
Like, you just spent a huge chunk of time with this person, maybe seeing each other every day; you were intimate, you told each other you loved each other, and then, in an instant, they are nothing. You throw all of their things away, you, like, you treat them like dirt, you delete all your pictures on social media, you block them on social media immediately, you throw away all the gifts they've ever given to you.
It's ridiculous! I don't get it. I've never gotten it. I am someone who, if I tell someone that I love them, that means that I love them, and that means that I'm going to love them for life in a way. And sure, like, the love changes; I know that from the first ex that I had. The love changed, for sure. Like, it's a different kind of love now. It's like, I wish well for you. But it's ridiculous that people, yeah, just to sum it up, I think it's stupid and unnecessary and extremely, unnecessarily cruel to immediately ex out your partner, sometimes with zero closure, without any kind of conversation, just like,
"I want to break up. We're broken up now. Get out."
Anyway, I think it's ridiculous. I am unsupportive of it. This is what I think should happen after a breakup: I think, first of all, don't break up during a fight. Sit down with each other and have a conversation like adults, and both come to the conclusion that it's not going to work, or one of you can say,
"It's not working for me, and I want out."
That's fine. And then, if the other person feels like they need closure from you, and they have so many questions, and they need to say things, if you're the one who broke up with them, you, I believe, you owe it to them to explain and to answer their questions and to put them to rest. I really do. Gosh, I don't even want comments. I also think that it's okay to talk for a little bit afterwards, like,
"How is it going? Do you want your things back? Is it okay with you if I delete pictures right now?"
And the other person's like,
"No, can you please wait, like, two weeks?"
You know, for me, I would feel so much better if a partner waits two or three weeks to delete all the posts and photos on social media. It's ridiculous, or just not for me. And social media, I don't do that. I don't delete all the pictures of me and my ex or boyfriend—friend. I just don't. I didn't for my ex. Like, I do it based on how appropriate the photos are. Like, if it's, like, us kissing or something, and I'm dating someone else now, I will private that post or delete it. But I really strongly believe — I should have said this a long time ago — but I believe in honoring your past relationships and honoring your exes. You spent a huge chunk of your life with them. You said you loved them, you talked about a future with them. It's ridiculous to act like they don't exist, that they are worthless and nothing to you, that you owe them nothing now that you're moved on and happier without them, that you're going to try to, like, win the breakup and see who can look happier faster.
Oh, games of control. Anyway, I hate it.
Also, I hate throwing away gifts from exes. I also don't do that. It's not like people are going to be like,
"That's holding on to the ex."
I Googled this, and I was like,
"Oh, that's what people think — that if you're holding on, like if you keep gifts from a past relationship, that it means that you're holding on and that you're still in love with the person."
I know firsthand, personally, that that's not the case. It's different. It's about keeping mementos of different memories of your life, like different points of your life. Like, it's not like these things were so important in the past, and you can honor the relationship, and you can keep the things in a box. You don't have to look at them. Like, I kept things in a box. I don't look at them, but I have them from my past ex, and I'm not going to throw them away because that person was so important to me at that time, and that's just how it is for me. Like, I don't believe in keeping your ex's things around the house, but, for example, for me, when I give my boyfriend something, it's always something I pour my heart and soul into. Like, I put so much thought into it. Like, I do so many art projects, as gifts. So, like, I would burn something — I would burn something for my boyfriend, who, I guess, was an ex-boyfriend.
Anyway, so I poured hours and hours of labor into these things, and so much thought and so much love into those things. And how, like, disrespectful and awful and just painful it is for that person to be like,
"This is worthless to me now. I'm throwing it away because you are nothing."
And I'm not going to do that to my exes because they're not nothing. They're never going to be nothing. They're always going to be honored. They're always going to be someone who's near and dear to my heart. Anyway, if anybody's like,
"You look so fine. How are you broken up? You look totally fine."
Videos capture — literally, right now — I'm at seven minutes, so this is seven minutes of one day. So this does not capture my emotional range, and that's something I wish I could always say, that a tiny little video clip does not capture a person's emotional range. I could have been crying for hours and hours this morning; you wouldn't know.
Okay, anyway, I'm probably turning the comments off.
Bye.